Featured image of post Peccadillos


Day 31 of 90: Or Their More Dire Variants

Okay I’m just gonna go.

I’m very frustrated at the moment.

Dot looking not so happy

Sitting outside of a starbucks in Oakland with no electricity, feeling despondent.

I’ve got a number of people making me chase them down for payments. I’m a one-person business.

I don’t have help. I don’t have a billing department. I don’t have a booking manager.

Please don’t make me work to be able to work for you.

Dot looking pretty exhausted

Not having a great time right now.

These feelings are exacerbated by my financial situation.

It’s crazy that I was high as a kite yesterday. I played a great serenade in the morning, and then I took my sweet time driving through Big Sur, which was life-alteringly beautiful.

Dot struggling with their computer

Not even the computer will cooperate.

But today I am in San Francisco, and money is tight, and my students aren’t signing up, and my clients aren’t paying.

San Francisco has felt singularly hostile to my present way of living. Every sandwich is fifteen dollars. Every bathroom is inaccessible or absolutely filthy. (I’ve seen two bathrooms today and they were both the uncontested most disgusting bathrooms I’ve seen throughout this whole trip.) Every parking lot is patrolled by private security, making sure that nobody stays too long. Even in Oakland. And every ledge is lined with spikes to make sure that they are inhospitable to exhausted humans.

I may hate it here.

But there is also the very real possibility that I will fall in love with parts of it, the way I did with Los Angeles.

So Let’s Inventory Some Positives

  • It’s sixty degrees. This is the coolest I’ve been since Philadelphia
    • That’s great because I’m a fat northerner.
  • There’s trees. Real green. Lots of it.
    • Also great, because I’m used to trees. It’s familiar; homey.
  • There’s a spirit of relaxation.
    • Y’know what? Fuck it.
      • This place is rife with liberalism
      • This is the most hostile place to poor people I think I’ve seen so far.
        • You can’t be on the street, there’s nowhere to sit
        • Every ledge is lined with spikes
        • Even people with cars can’t linger, or they’ll get ticketed wherever they park
        • The cost of housing here is astronomical
        • but you better be able to afford it, you fucking loser.

I think I may hate it here.

But I hope I grow to like it, because I am emotionally (and monetarily) exhausted.

Dot looking off to the distance

When will satisfaction come

Send me to your loved ones. I promise to bring joy. Even though I may be feeling like I do in this post. I promise.

I’ve got openings in the San Francisco Bay Area, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Boulder, and every between.

Book today.

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